Lazy Bull Weekly #10 - Lazy Bull Missed Sunday. The Markets Didn’t.

Hey Bulls,

Yes, I missed the Sunday drop.
No, I didn’t die I just overslept.

But guess who didn’t nap?
Wall Street. and X. And gold bugs. And Trump’s ego.

Here’s what you missed from June 2–6 — served with sarcasm and a side of CPI anxiety.

📈 Stocks: Feels Like a Rally, Smells Like a Trap

• S&P 500 kissed 6,000 (+1.03%).

• Dow up 1.05%.

• Nasdaq did its usual caffeine-fueled moonwalk (+1.2%).

May jobs: +139k. Unemployment? Still chill at 4.2%.
So recession fears? Temporarily ghosted.
Weekly gain? S&P +0.47%, Dow +0.12%.
Basically, Wall Street’s having a party. You just weren’t invited.

🥇 Gold: Everyone’s Hedge Against Sanity

• Gold hit $3,377.40/oz, up 2% last week and 43% YoY.

• Goldman Sachs says $3,700 is next.
  In short: when the dollar looks shaky and world leaders are subtweeting each other, metals shine.
  

💬 Elon vs. Trump: The Billionaire Breakup Nobody Asked For

It’s official — Daddy Elon and Uncle Trump are no longer speaking.

• Trump reportedly called Elon “disloyal”.

• Elon replied by posting memes (obviously) and saying, “I’m not anyone’s lapdog.”

The feud resurfaced an old pic of them looking awkward at the White House — now being used like a breakup photo on Facebook.

If you're wondering why this matters to markets:
It doesn’t. But it’s free entertainment in between Fed meetings.

🛃 Trade & Tariffs: The Sequel Nobody Wanted

• Trump says U.S.–China trade talks resume June 9 in London.

• Also, U.S.–India deal being drafted.

• Meanwhile, steel & aluminum tariffs doubled to 50% as of June 4.
  Because obviously, the cure for inflation is... higher input costs?

🏦 Fed Watch: The Rate-Cut Mirage

• Strong job numbers = no rate cuts for you.

• Mortgage rates creeping toward 6.7%, HELOCs rising, CDs flirting with 4.2%.

• Treasury options show everyone’s hedging like a doomsday cult.

Next Fed meeting: June 17–18.
Until then, it’s just vibes.

🪙 SPY, Picks & Pink Slips

• SPY closed at $599.14 on June 6. Flirted with 600, backed off. Monthly gain: +2.92%.

• Top stock picks: PNB Housing, Prestige Estate (Motilal), Shopify & gold miners (CIBC), CTRI +9.74%.

• Corporate cuts: P&G (7,000 jobs gone), Citigroup (3,500 in China). Wall Street loves efficiency — especially if it’s human.
  

💸 Retail vs. Hedge Funds: Who’s the Bagholder?

• Retail investors bought $2B in stocks last week.

• Hedge funds + institutions sold $3.5B.
  It’s like poker — someone’s bluffing. Let’s find out who folds first.

🌍 Global Chaos Corner

• Japan’s bond market moves = U.S. Treasury heartburn.

• Switzerland tells UBS: hold $26B more capital or go sit in financial jail.

Markets are floating, gold’s glowing, billionaires are beefing, and Lazy Bull is back on your screen.
Thanks for waiting. Or forgetting.

Next stop: CPI data, Fed meeting, and another week of financial theatre.

See you Sunday (for real).
— Lazy Bull 🐃