Lazy Bull Weekly #12 - Oops, We Bombed Iran Again

Congrats, It’s Still the Middle East. Markets Cry Again.

Welcome back, degenerates and “long-term” investors who definitely didn’t panic-sell on Friday.

Guess what? The Middle East decided to throw another party. This time it’s not just Israel and Iran throwing shade the U.S. RSVP’d with airstrikes, and Iraq? Well, it’s the poor neighbor who didn’t even throw the party but still gets their house blown up.

🌍 Quick Recap – Because You Have a 3-Second Attention Span

• U.S. bombed Iran’s nuclear sites.

• Iran’s thinking: “How about we launch some love missiles at your bases… in Iraq.”

• Iraq: “Bro I just got out of therapy from 2003.”

U.S. troops are packing bags, embassies are emptying out, and oil prices are rising like it’s the only thing still going to the moon this year.

📉 Markets React – Like a Sleep-Deprived Teen

Stocks:

• Instant panic. S&P tripped over itself.

• Defense and oil stocks? Thriving.

• Tech and consumer? Not so much. Inflation isn’t sexy.

Gold:

• Up. Because when humans fight, gold shines.

• $3,365/oz and climbing. Will it hit $3,500? If the world keeps being dumb, yes.

Bonds:

• Everyone ran to Treasuries like they owe them money.

• Yields went down. But oil-driven inflation might ruin that nap real soon.

Oil:

• Brent’s flirting with $100.

• Close the Strait of Hormuz? We’re talking $120–$130.

• Congrats, you’re now paying more for fuel AND groceries.

💡 Lazy Bull’s Take – Half Serious, Half Xanax

• ✨ Gold and oil? Stay long if the drama continues.

• 🔫 Lockheed and Raytheon love war. So do their shareholders.

• 🧻 Tech bros? Maybe don’t “buy the dip” just yet.

• 🛡 Don’t YOLO. Hedge. Watch. Chill.

If the Strait of Hormuz gets blocked and oil hits $130, you’ll wish you weren’t 90% in SPY and 10% in vibes.

Stay lazy, stay rich (or at least alive),
– Lazy Bull 🐃